i went to trevors last night. i got home this morning. i wasn't supposed to do that. it makes me think to much. anyways he has moved into st. albert. he lives in the same area as heathers mom. i should have stopped in to say hi but she would have told me stuff i didn't want to hear.
Trevor left a message on my machine on thursday. we talked on friday and decided to meet for "coffee" on saturday. i like hanging out with him. i always have fun and it makes me feel lovely. we had a fire and sat and watched movies. i love cuddling with him. its so comfortable. maybe its cause he is so big and squishy. i don't know.
the thing i have been thinking about lately though is why do i let him get away with all this stuff and i let him. i wouldn't take this crap from anyone else. so why him. why do i just say okay and let it be.
he just comes and goes. last time i heard from him was in january. i left this morning and i asked him how many months it would be before i heard form him again. we were kinda joking around but i was serious. he says he is to busy for a relationship. what i would like to tell him is that he is always busy and if he doesn't watch it he is going to be fifty and alone.
thats what has been going on. i'm baffled that i feel pretty much complancent about the whole thing. yes i would like it if things went further with trevor but its not cause he doesn't want it to.
its weird how he acts when i am around though. maybe thats why i like him so much. he makes me feel.....nice for lack of a better word. he can't keep himself from touching me. holding hands or walking up to you and just engulfing you in the biggest hug or putting his hand on the small of your back when you are walking or even sitting on the couch together. its really comfortable.
anyways that has been what i have been thinking about. how do i keep myself from that. why should i. i certainly don't want to and i probably won't so long as i'm not in a relationship.
on to another subject now. my dog at my blsck shoes that were just like the pink shoes. stupid dog.
nine more days until camping. i am very much looking forward to it. its going to be lots of fun. i think i am doing birthday stuff with my parents this weekend. presents, i like presents. well i am off and the doorbell just rang and i want to see who it is.
3:59 p.m. on 2003-06-22
